so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
