dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
