i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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