Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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