Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
