Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
