I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
