I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I touched a dick in church today
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
