Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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