just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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