if you like me you must not know who I am
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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