My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
