saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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