I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
