I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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