he puts the penis in happiness.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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