you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
