Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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