theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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