do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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