I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Please don't give away my fajitas
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