How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just cropdusted the office
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
