she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize