she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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