I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
