the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
