My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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