everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
