i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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