Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
