when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
