I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
