well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
