Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
