I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
