i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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