Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
