Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize