God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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