in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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