I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
