had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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