Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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