anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
