I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
