those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
