Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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