This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
