I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
