Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
