nut hugger
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
