He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
