i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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