i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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