I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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