I wanna bring you to show and tell
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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