So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize