True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
