see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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