If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I won't apologize to a one balled man
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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