No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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