dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
