Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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