call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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