A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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