i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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