i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
