I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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