I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
