Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
