I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I intend to get homeless drunk
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
