So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
