Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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