we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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