I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
