"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
