He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
