I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
