Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
