While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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