Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
