i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
did you just send me my own nude
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
