I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
