Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
