I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
