Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
