Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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