when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
