There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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