Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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