anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
