Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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