summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
