cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
