yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
