Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
