I'm so fucking centered right now
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize