We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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