piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
