you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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