So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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