Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize