I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
