She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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