I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize