shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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