Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just threw up on my dentist
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
